Or are we such fragmentized creatures
that in order to get a approximate definition of us we need to expand our
Beings in the horizons of Others onthologies? Is it one person not enough for
such intimacies? Is that the general understanding of being possessive and
suffocate the social liberty of the Other? One person when you think you feel
something related to the general understanding of love, that is what I mean by
one person. Why does it have to be such a disturbing issue? Sometimes I really
wish we people could have a pharmakos which we could charge with all the poison
that intoxicates daily our souls and let it go every morning before opening the
eyes into the sartrian nothingness. Emotional pains are cruel and they don’t go
hand in head with any type of rational calculations.
And it’s pathetic and its human and its
us and they are omnipresent. And yes, they appear when you are vulnerable and
when you stand soul naked in front of this other diffuse human being and when
you pretend with sun in your heart that YOU can actually communicate with each
other ,that with YOU the connection for a deeper meaning and understanding and
YOU together can make this above blessed union actually work and be some worthy
little people in a society that cant function without you spinning you own
little hipper specialized wheel. In and out and in and out from each other,
being afraid to stare into the abyss because he can actually stare back at you
and producing illusions that both will embrace as common subjective truth.
But what is he wants to have a woman
friend? He could nicely say that he needs someone to help him stand outside the
two of you and get a better view of what is happening. Is that really so
complicated? Is it necessary? What does that imply actually? It implies ANOTHER
female/male presence. ANOTHER presence is needed in an intimate equation that
you happily shared for a while and believed with big words that will last until
the end of your Time. The Another is a sign of insufficiency and craving for
chance, of pseudo boredom and metaphysical absences, of the fact that you, for
each other mean now less instead of more and the getting closer process
underlined the fact that you actually don’t really correspond to the definition
of the Other.
I want you to be quiet when I feel
like having some peace around and please don’t leave your make up everywhere
and those coffe cups with your dark lipstick all over and please stop listening
to that sons 20 times a day, and no, I don’t want to go see your parents today
I want to lay in bed until 2pm and read The Sexual Life of Immanuel Kant and I
really don’t want to hear about your period and about that zit and about the
way you wax you feet and how it hurts and how you cant stand the smell and I
don’t want to go see that romantic drama with you today ,I don’t don’t don’t
want that and that and that and that, I need Something else, I need Another
presence so I can see what is happening and actually I just need someone else
but I am not really sure that I want to let you go right now, letting go is so
damn complicated and melodramatic and its going to make me feel like an asshole
and for a while I am even going to suffer for a while for the sake of the
attachment we had all this time.
We are post modern and we are post
humans with post emotions and post understandings. We call the truth personal
and we don’t believe in system of values anymore, we pretend to live far away
from any transcendental instance and we actually want to consider that we can
honestly share things selfishly loving the singularity of the Other. When the
Other reveals the collage of perfections and imperfections then we tend to draw
back and forget we are just the same, just another brand . We tend to consider
the Other as a lottery ticket that can fulfill our wildest dreams: he/she can
understand my potential, nourish it, sustain it, embrace it, respect it,
cherish it, he/she can help me with my domestically orientated dreams, cook,
bear babies, make my parents be proud and smile and rejoice because they have
nephews and because we have nice jobs and we hold hands and she is so pretty
and cute and a bit smart too, he can satisfy me when I feel like it and she can
make love with me because she is mine and I have the right and he can make me
feel sensual and beautiful and feminine and belonging and she can make me feel
masculine and strong and a leader and oh oh oh how good this feels…
How honest this actually is? And how bad
or good it is if its not really so much honest as in complementary. What if
this is what we are and the other ideas above love are more idealistic than the
platonic understanding of ideas. What if our perception of things had been
infected by centuries of falsified norms and dogmas about how things should be
,but without a proper scanning of the human superhighways of shame and lust and
guilt and what not? What if we are selfish and that something natural and not
bad and what if we are good Christians because we need an assurance that our
place in Heaven has a name tag on it and what if we stay together because we
can find a mirror that reflects as close as it can our desires and expectations
and what if love is actually a narcissistic act doubled by the presence of the
Other. And what if all these things are not actually bad?
What hurts is when you brake the strings
that actually kept you together from the beginning. Those few strings that gave
both of you a meaning and a sense. They break when they are not many enough to
sustain you both but damn it hurts when you have to cut them off. It is like
cutting in the flesh of your soul. And the wounds do dry inside and yes they
leave scars and to scars we go back from time to time because at intervals
something is pulsating behind them which we can’t really put the finger on but
it indicates a long gone presence of an Other and the invisible places where
those strings use to be are still there behind on the left of your heart
dangling in the wind of your nostalgic thoughts. And it hurts.
What can you do about it?
Start
to run.
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